Comfortably Numb

I am starting to feel comfortably numb. I feel away from the anxiety of the paperwork and I almost feel like I am looking into my own life through a crystal ball. Constantly watching myself check the stats on the adoption website to see if things have made even the smallest amount of progress and looking around at everything I have and have to share. I feel so fortunate. I spend alot of time alone with the girls but Manuel is always here in the AM and in and out throughout the day. Luna and Sole are such happy children. There is always laughter and a screams of excitement and joy in our house. From the outside, it would sound like we were actually having a party, but it is just the girls playing on the screened porch in their playhouse. I look at my girls at night and I wonder what type of women they will become. I wish I could hand pick their destinies but we know there is no chance of that happening. I have always said that I thought Luna would stay close to home, but Sole will be the world traveller. I will cringe every time they venture off to other countries but at same time, I want that for them more than anything. I guess it will be a payback for doing it to my mother and father. When I started going out in high school, I had to call my father every night when I got back to my friends house. When I moved out, I had to call him every night to let him know that I was in for the night. I came to live near the Ocean because my father and mother had retired here. I was 20 years old and I had to call him every night to let him know I was in. My father died of cancer in 1996, I called him every night until he died to let him know that I was in for the night. He would not go to sleep until I called. That is another thing I am grateful for, wonderful parents. My mothers parents were Portuguese and Spanish immigrants and my father was an orphan. They met during WWII. They had 6 children, I was #6.