Julie's Selfish Vacation

My friend Julie, has decided that she will be vacationing alone to and undisclosed destination. Just because she has 3 children and never gets a break. I mean NEVER. A huge outing is to the usual mother locations, Walmart, Marshall's, Panera. This is on a rare and far between occasion. Her oldest will be 9 tomorrow. (he is gorgeous) He went to China with his mother and I to pick up Zen in November. He was a celebrity. The girls went insane. We could not go anywhere without being mobbed with cameras. He was such a good sport about it. Julie centers her life around the well being of her children. That is why she is crazy. She has not been officially been diagnosed, but from one to another, it is very plain to see. Why and how we became friends is a mystery. Just because her second focus is food and Pepsi, I guess. Now, where does this leave me? Jealous and envious. I think that I should be going with her but she wont let me because she thinks I will cry. Little does she know, I am a fun traveler. I also like to eat, which is very important. We diet the same way. We talk about it over dessert and sodas. We cannot understand why we are not hard bodies, just hard heads. So, let me get back to the very jealous part. I now have a fantasy, that I too am going on a vacation solo. Hers started out that way, so instead of having her committed, her husband gave her her selfish vacation for Mothers Day! (Scott, you deserve a metal. Julie's mother also deserves a metal because she will be spending lots of quality and not so quality time with the kids). I on the other hand will just sitting here counting the days until her selfish vacation is over. I may take up drinking or smoking to help me get thru it. Okay, moment of truth, I will miss her and I hope she has a excellent time. I hope you get fat while you are there and stay very pale because that is how I will be here waiting for your safe return. Now, if you decide NOT to come home, I will take Weston. I will not take the other 2 children because I have my own problems. I will accept your fat suit collection and your "half jackets" (half because the have become to small). Take as many pills as you can and stay up really late eating Oh, and don't forget your name tag that says "I'm here without my children"! Buen Viaje!